Denny's: Is it closing, being sold, or just another corporate shuffle?

Denny's Descent: From Grand Slam to Food Fight

The Last Stand of a Grease-Stained Empire

So, Denny's is getting taken private? Big freakin' deal. Another corporate shuffle in the soul-crushing world of late-stage capitalism. TriArtisan Capital Advisors and Yadav Enterprises swooping in like vultures on a slowly dying carcass. I mean, P.F. Chang's? Really? That's the shining example they're holding up?

The article says CEO Kelli Valade thinks this "maximizes value and has determined it is fair to and in the best interests of stockholders." Oh, Kelli, bless your heart. Let’s be real: that's corporate-speak for "we're jumping ship before this thing sinks completely." It's like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic, except the Titanic is covered in syrup and smells faintly of desperation.

Shares jumped 50%? Okay, good for them. But does that change the fact that Denny's is a relic of a bygone era? A place where time stands still, and not in a good way. It's the kind of place where you expect to see a chain-smoking waitress with a beehive hairdo serving up lukewarm coffee and a side of existential dread. Or, you know, have some irate customer hurl a steak at your face.

The Food Fight Heard 'Round the Diner

Speaking of which... steak-throwing incidents? I saw that headline about the Denny's in Highland Heights. Apparently, some genius decided to express their dissatisfaction with their Uber Eats order by launching food at the employees. A steak, no less! You can read more about the incident in Angry customers throw steak and other food at Denny’s employees: Highland Heights Police Blotter. I'm picturing some suburbanite raging because his Grand Slam didn't come with enough syrup. Is this what we've become? Is this the legacy of the American diner? A culinary battlefield where disgruntled customers wage war with breakfast meats?

And Uber Eats? Don't even get me started. I swear, that app is a black hole of hidden fees and questionable delivery drivers. Half the time, my order arrives looking like it's been through a washing machine. Maybe that's what set this guy off. Maybe he just snapped. Then again, maybe I'm making excuses for a boorish jerk who thinks throwing food at people is an appropriate response to a minor inconvenience.

I mean, the cops are investigating, but what are the odds they'll actually catch these culinary terrorists? They’ve probably already moved on to terrorizing some poor McDonald's employee over a missing McNugget.

And what about the staff? Dealing with that kinda crap for minimum wage? Give me a break.

Denny's: A Symbol of Something... What Was It Again?

The article mentions Denny's struggles began during the pandemic, and that they've closed 180 locations. They're trying a "turnaround plan" involving remodels and new menu items. Remodels? New menu items? Please. You can put lipstick on a pig, but it's still a pig. It's not about the decor or the food. It's about the vibe. And Denny's vibe is... well, it's depressing.

It's a place where broken dreams go to die, where lonely truckers fuel up on coffee and regret, and where teenagers go to make questionable decisions at 3 AM. Trying to compete with First Watch? That's like trying to fight a wildfire with a squirt gun. They should just embrace the chaos, lean into the weirdness, and become the official restaurant of the apocalypse.

They even eased up on the 24/7 requirement... what is going on?

So, What's the Real Story?

Denny's is done. Over. Toast. It's not just about the money, or the competition, or the steak-throwing incidents. It's about the fact that the world has moved on, and Denny's hasn't. It's a dinosaur, clinging to life in a world of fast-casual eateries and artisanal avocado toast. Let it go. Let it die. And for God's sake, people, stop throwing food at the employees.