Denny's Goes Private: What Happened, and Is Your Favorite Diner Doomed?
Alright, let's get this straight. Denny's, the place where you can get a Grand Slam at 3 AM and question all your life choices, is being taken private? And people are throwing steaks at the staff? What in the actual hell is going on?
The Steak-Throwing Apocalypse
So, some lovely individuals decided that the best way to resolve a dispute over an Uber Eats order at a Denny's in Highland Heights, Ohio, was to hurl food at the employees. A steak, no less! I mean, come on. A steak? That's just... disrespectful to the steak. And the employees, offcourse. Angry customers throw steak and other food at Denny’s employees: Highland Heights Police Blotter
The cops are investigating. Good luck with that. Finding these culinary criminals is gonna be like finding a needle in a haystack made of syrup and regret.
But let's be real, this isn't just about some random food fight. It's a symptom. A symptom of what, you ask? Well, a society that's clearly lost its damn mind, for starters. But also, maybe, just maybe, a sign that things ain't exactly peachy at Denny's.
From 24/7 to Sold Out
Remember when Denny's was the reliable, always-open beacon of greasy goodness? The place you could count on after a night of questionable decisions? Well, those days are fading faster than a stack of pancakes in front of a hungry dude.
They're selling out to TriArtisan Capital Advisors and Yadav Enterprises. Sounds like a hostile takeover in a B-movie, doesn't it? $322 million. That's a lot of Grand Slams. Denny’s is being taken private
The official line is that this "maximizes value" for shareholders. Translation: they're desperate. Denny's has been struggling, especially since the pandemic. The 24/7 thing went out the window, and now they're facing competition from everywhere. First Watch, fast food joints, even people cooking at home (gasp!).
And get this: they closed 180 locations in the last two years. 180! That's a whole lotta booths gathering dust. They tried remodels and new menu items, but sales are still down. It's like putting lipstick on a pig... a pig that serves breakfast all day.
Wait a minute, Pizza Hut is also struggling? What is it with these classic American chains falling apart? Are we witnessing the culinary apocalypse?
The Broader Picture (and a Tangent About My Cable Bill)
Okay, so Denny's is struggling. Big deal, right? Lots of businesses struggle. But it's more than that. It's about the changing landscape of, well, everything.
I mean, look at my cable bill. I'm paying like $200 a month for channels I don't even watch. And don't even get me started on streaming services. It's death by a thousand subscriptions. Everything's getting more expensive, and everyone's fighting for our attention (and our wallets).
Maybe Denny's just couldn't keep up. Maybe the world moved on, and they didn't. Or maybe people are just tired of mediocre food and sticky booths. I don't know.
But one thing's for sure: throwing steaks at employees isn't the answer.