Buc-ee's: Another 'Travel Center' Invasion? Where They're Landing, and What Florida Really Gets
Is This Just Another Soulless Gas Station, or Something Worse?
So, Buc-ee's is finally planting its beaver-themed flag in Tallahassee, huh? Big freakin' deal. Everyone's acting like this is the second coming of Christ instead of, you know, a glorified gas station.
The Cult of the Beaver
First off, let's be real. It's a gas station. A big one, sure, but still just a place to fill up your tank and buy overpriced snacks. I don't get the hype. People are treating Buc-ee's like it's some kind of freakin' amusement park. Lines out the door for beaver nuggets? Seriously? What are beaver nuggets even made of? I'm almost afraid to ask.
Commissioner Rick Minor's calling it an "ECONOMIC CATALYST:" Buc-ee's closes on land deal slated to bring more than just a mega gas station." Right. Because what Tallahassee really needs is another reason for tourists to bypass the actual city and spend their money on the outskirts. I mean, offcourse, more jobs are nice. But six jobs paying over $100k a year? Who are those lucky stiffs gonna be, and what kind of soul-crushing corporate kool-aid are they drinking?
And 200 jobs at $16-$32 an hour? Let's not pretend that's some kind of economic miracle. It's retail work. It's a grind. Still, people are gonna flock there, desperate for anything resembling a stable paycheck. That's the real tragedy here.
Environmental Catastrophe, Beaver-Style
Then there's the environmental angle. Claudia Sperber, bless her heart, is worried about the deer and foxes losing their homes. And she's right. We're paving over paradise to put up a giant monument to consumerism. But does anyone actually care? Nah. Not as long as they can get their beaver-themed t-shirts and brisket sandwiches.
Sperber says if we eliminate too much habitat, the wildlife infiltrates nearby neighborhoods. Well, duh. Where else are they gonna go? It's not like the deer have a say in all this.
And the sign? They need a special variance because it's too damn big. Of course they do. Everything about Buc-ee's is designed to be obnoxious and attention-grabbing. A giant beaver staring down at you from the highway, beckoning you to spend your hard-earned cash on... well, on more gas and beaver nuggets.
The Road Ahead (Or Just More Concrete?)
They're talking about traffic improvements. "Buc-ee's planners will be keen to make entry and exit easier for customers," Minor says. Translation: they'll spend a fortune making sure you can get in and out as quickly as possible, further encouraging you to avoid actually exploring Tallahassee.
And Meyer Development is already planning more commercial and residential development around the Buc-ee's. Because that's what we need—more sprawl. More concrete. More reasons to stay in your car.
Honestly, it's depressing.
Then again, maybe I'm just being a grumpy old man. Maybe Buc-ee's really is the best thing to ever happen to Tallahassee. Maybe I'll even end up liking those beaver nuggets. But I doubt it. I really, really doubt it.